The last thing I imagined I’d do was create a dating course. I didn’t think it would be something I wanted to speak on because there’s so much dating advice already out there and I didn’t know what I could offer…until I realized that much of what is being taught is destructive. So, this course was born the same way my other courses were born: what’s already out there wasn’t the best way for me and I’d like to offer you a different approach.
I want to accomplish two things in this course. First, I hope to challenge women to let go of the notion that their happiness is contingent on finding a man. This isn’t going to be a course on the history of the patriarchy or feminism, so don’t take this course if that’s what you’re looking for. I do encourage you to do that learning and exploration on your own. My intention is to help you adopt this concept of decentering men by addressing your mindset. We’ll call this setting the foundation.
My second goal is to show you what this looks like when you’re actively dating. If you have no desire to date men, I’m not here to change your mind. Don’t join in hopes that I will. You can absolutely adopt the mindset and stop there if that’s all your seeking. If you do want to continue dating, however, I’d like to show you what that looks like. It might seem paradoxical to decenter men and continue to date them, but I don’t think it’s contradictory at all. I actually find it strange to suggest that the ONLY way to date men is if they’re the center of your world.
Part of dating in this new way means tackling the notion that we date people who aren’t great for us because we don’t love or respect ourselves. Sure, that may be a part of the equation, but I don’t think that paints the whole picture. If we live in a patriarchy and women are repeatedly told to center men, then of course it makes sense that everywhere we look, we see poor examples of how to engage with men. If everyone is indoctrinated, then it’s unlikely we’re seeing healthy models of what dating looks like. To put it simply, I don’t think self-esteem is the entire problem. I think part of the problem is knowledge and skill.
As always, none of my courses are a substitute for therapy. My suggestion is always therapy first, and my courses as a supplement if and when it makes sense for you.